Institute Category

Driving & Traffic

Road rage, parking drama, navigation arguments, commute existentialism.

TERMINAL (10)

Terminal 'Flow of Traffic' Philosophy Patient drives 14 mph over the posted limit on every road and explains, when challenged, that they are 'just g
Terminal 'Gas Station Gamble' Coffee Theft Disorder Patient pours a small 'taste' of gas-station coffee into a cup to 'see if they want the full cup,' drinks the
Terminal 'Let Me In' Entitlement Patient, at the last possible moment of a closing lane merge, forces themselves in despite having had a full m
Terminal Car-Wash Dashboard Panic Patient enters the automatic car wash and becomes visibly uncomfortable. Grips the steering wheel. Glances at
Terminal Dashboard-Fumble Disorder Patient, at a red light, begins a frantic dashboard search for their phone, sunglasses, gum, a receipt they ne
Terminal Harley Sunday-Morning Fleet Disorder Patient and 14 of their closest friends meet at a Cracker Barrel at 8:30 AM every Sunday. They depart, as a un
Terminal Left-Lane Squatting Patient drives in the left lane at or just under the speed limit on a three-lane highway, maintaining a consis
Terminal Merging Paralysis Patient approaches the on-ramp merge at 28 mph while oncoming highway traffic is doing 70. Has not accelerated
Terminal Passenger Princess Syndrome Patient has not driven a vehicle since 2021 despite holding a valid license. Requires chauffeuring to every so
Terminal Spouse Driving Critique Patient, in the passenger seat of their spouse's car, critiques every single driving decision in real time. 'Y

PATHOLOGICAL (11)

SEVERE (13)

CHRONIC (12)

ADVANCED (6)

ACUTE (4)

COMPULSIVE (1)

Compulsive Mirror-Selfie Driving Disorder Patient takes selfies at red lights. Has an established angle. Applies one lip product. Checks the shot. If th

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