UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient has been attempting to parallel park for nine minutes on a side street with three observers on the sidewalk. Has now pulled out, re-approached, and tried again four times. Is sweating. Has made a small hand gesture to the observers that resembles a shrug. The space is large enough for a bus.
Chronic. Improves slightly without witnesses.
None. Muscle memory abandons post under observation.
Patients with Severe Parallel Parking Performance Anxiety typically present with some or all of the following:
Severe Parallel Parking Performance Anxiety was added to the Institute catalog in response to a pattern our clinicians kept seeing. The pattern did not have a real name. This is the real name now. Everything about this entry is made up, except the behavior.
The Institute has assigned this condition the Latin binomial Collocatio lateralis horror spectantium — fictional nomenclature for a non-fictional pattern.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.