UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient's 87-pound golden retriever rides shotgun in the passenger seat with his entire head out the window, drooling onto the side mirror, at 45 mph. The seatbelt warning has been chiming for 22 minutes. Patient has tried the backseat harness twice. The dog refuses. The dog has, in their mutual relationship, won. A rear passenger window motor is now failing from the paw-presses.
Chronic. The dog's negotiation position is stronger.
None. The backseat harness is in the trunk, still in packaging.
Patients with Severe Dog-In-Car Sovereignty Disorder typically present with some or all of the following:
Severe Dog-In-Car Sovereignty Disorder was added to the Institute catalog in response to a pattern our clinicians kept seeing. The pattern did not have a real name. This is the real name now. Everything about this entry is made up, except the behavior.
The Institute has assigned this condition the Latin binomial Canis co-pilotus absolutus — fictional nomenclature for a non-fictional pattern.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.