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Condition File

Pathological 'Almost Hit A Cyclist' Disorder

UNTREATABLE.COM Institute of Incurable Conditions
PATHOLOGICAL
Diagnosis
Pathological 'Almost Hit A Cyclist' Disorder
Proximitas cyclistae horrificus
Clinical description

Patient has, in the last month, almost hit a cyclist four times. Has, each time, blamed the cyclist. Has, each time, also been checking a phone. Has a sticker on their car that says 'Share the Road.' Has never, in fact, shared the road.

Prognosis

Chronic. A citation has not adjusted the distance.

Recommended treatment

None. The sticker remains.

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Common symptoms

Patients with Pathological 'Almost Hit A Cyclist' Disorder typically present with some or all of the following:

What is this?

Patients diagnosed with Pathological 'Almost Hit A Cyclist' Disorder present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.

The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Proximitas cyclistae horrificus, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.

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