UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient takes selfies at red lights. Has an established angle. Applies one lip product. Checks the shot. If the shot is bad, takes another shot. Light turns green. Patient has not noticed. The car behind has honked for six seconds. Patient now speeds up in apology.
Chronic. Worsens on days patient is 'feeling it.'
Untreatable. The lighting is, apparently, perfect here.
Patients with Compulsive Mirror-Selfie Driving Disorder typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Compulsive Mirror-Selfie Driving Disorder present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Imago mei dum volans compulsiva, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.