UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient drives in the left lane at or just under the speed limit on a three-lane highway, maintaining a consistent position regardless of flashing lights, angry honks, or an accumulating 11-vehicle convoy behind them. Has been in this lane for 22 miles. Believes they are 'not holding anyone up.' The convoy disagrees.
Permanent. Right-lane usage is, apparently, for merging only.
Untreatable. Passing them on the right is now the only option.
Patients with Terminal Left-Lane Squatting typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Terminal Left-Lane Squatting present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Occupatio sinistra permanens, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.