UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient has left their empty shopping cart adjacent to their parking space rather than walking the 14 feet to the return corral. Has done this at 7 of the 9 grocery trips this month. A cart has now rolled into an adjacent car. Patient pretended not to see it and reversed out of the spot.
Chronic. The corral is, apparently, always too far.
None. Patient maintains this is normal.
Patients with Severe Cart-Return Avoidance Disorder typically present with some or all of the following:
Severe Cart-Return Avoidance Disorder belongs to the Institute's growing taxonomy of behaviors that real medicine has declined to name. It exists, roughly, at the intersection of internet culture, interpersonal friction, and whatever is happening in the lives of our patients. It is fictional and it is everywhere.
Under its Latin label Evasio currus mercaturae, the condition appears only in the Institute's own catalog. Real clinicians do not recognize the term. They recognize the behavior.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.