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Patient enters the automatic car wash and becomes visibly uncomfortable. Grips the steering wheel. Glances at the mirror. Double-checks that the car is in neutral. The rollers begin. Patient stops breathing for seven seconds. Exits the wash tunnel relieved but also aware that the windshield is still streaked.
Chronic. Full breathing resumes only after exit.
None. Hand car washes are, apparently, 'not relaxing.'
Patients with Terminal Car-Wash Dashboard Panic typically present with some or all of the following:
Terminal Car-Wash Dashboard Panic is a terminal behavioral condition cataloged by the Institute. It is not recognized by the DSM-5, the ICD-11, or any existing diagnostic framework — and will not be, because it is not a real condition. It is, however, observed in the population with alarming frequency.
In the Institute's formal nomenclature, this condition is catalogued under the Latin binomial Lavatio automaticus horror interior — a name not recognized by any medical authority but observed repeatedly in the catalog.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.