UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient, at a red light, begins a frantic dashboard search for their phone, sunglasses, gum, a receipt they needed, their parking pass, a wet wipe, and the charging cable. The light has turned green. They are still searching. The car behind honks. Patient finds the sunglasses and puts them on as an accomplishment.
Chronic. The center console is a geological formation.
None. Organizing the car has never been considered.
Patients with Terminal Dashboard-Fumble Disorder typically present with some or all of the following:
Terminal Dashboard-Fumble Disorder is a terminal behavioral condition cataloged by the Institute. It is not recognized by the DSM-5, the ICD-11, or any existing diagnostic framework — and will not be, because it is not a real condition. It is, however, observed in the population with alarming frequency.
In the Institute's formal nomenclature, this condition is catalogued under the Latin binomial Sedes prima insufficientia — a name not recognized by any medical authority but observed repeatedly in the catalog.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.