UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient has removed the muffler from a 2014 Honda Civic. The car now sounds, at idle, like a lawnmower with emotional problems. When anyone — family, coworker, stranger at a gas station — comments on the noise, patient launches into a 14-minute explanation of why 'actually, it breathes better this way.' The car does not breathe better this way. The car is 11 years old and not faster. Patient knows this.
Chronic. The explanation grows more technical with each challenge.
None. The muffler cannot be un-deleted without admitting the error.
Patients with Severe Muffler-Delete Defensiveness typically present with some or all of the following:
Severe Muffler-Delete Defensiveness belongs to the Institute's growing taxonomy of behaviors that real medicine has declined to name. It exists, roughly, at the intersection of internet culture, interpersonal friction, and whatever is happening in the lives of our patients. It is fictional and it is everywhere.
Under its Latin label Muffler deletus defensor perpetuus, the condition appears only in the Institute's own catalog. Real clinicians do not recognize the term. They recognize the behavior.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.