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Condition File

Chronic Doorbell Detonation Syndrome

UNTREATABLE.COM Institute of Incurable Conditions
CHRONIC
Diagnosis
Chronic Doorbell Detonation Syndrome
Explosio canis per tintinnabulum
Clinical description

Patient's 14-pound shih tzu Pepper has, for the entire seven years of her life, responded to every doorbell with a 90-second barking event that scales with the length of patient's 'Pepper! PEPPER! no!' interventions. The DoorDash driver has backed away twice. Patient now intercepts every delivery at the door like a Secret Service agent.

Prognosis

Chronic. Training has had no measurable effect.

Recommended treatment

None. The doorbell has been disabled and the knocks, apparently, also work.

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Common symptoms

Patients with Chronic Doorbell Detonation Syndrome typically present with some or all of the following:

What is this?

Patients diagnosed with Chronic Doorbell Detonation Syndrome present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.

The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Explosio canis per tintinnabulum, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.

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