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Condition File

Chronic Bed Border Dispute

UNTREATABLE.COM Institute of Incurable Conditions
CHRONIC
Diagnosis
Chronic Bed Border Dispute
Disputatio lecti territorialis
Clinical description

Patient and their partner share a queen bed. Patient, across the course of every night, migrates steadily toward the center, then past it. By 3:14 AM, patient occupies approximately 71% of the mattress. The partner has, in response, developed the sleeping posture of a person on a narrow ledge: rigid, toward the edge, one arm hanging off. The partner has raised this three times. Each time, patient has promised to 'stay on my side' and, by the following night, has again migrated. The 2-centimeter strip is, apparently, now the partner's usable sleep territory.

Prognosis

Chronic. The migration occurs in deep sleep and cannot, patient insists, be controlled.

Recommended treatment

None. Patient is, apparently, genuinely unaware of the migration.

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Common symptoms

Patients with Chronic Bed Border Dispute typically present with some or all of the following:

What is this?

Chronic Bed Border Dispute was added to the Institute catalog in response to a pattern our clinicians kept seeing. The pattern did not have a real name. This is the real name now. Everything about this entry is made up, except the behavior.

The Institute has assigned this condition the Latin binomial Disputatio lecti territorialis — fictional nomenclature for a non-fictional pattern.

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