Formulary Entry

Linea Medialis Declarata

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Institute Pharmacy · Dispensary No. 1

℞

Rx #52,103 Marriage & Partnership

Prescribed

Linea Medialis Declarata

(Midline Declaration, mattress-level)

Dosage	One (1) verbal agreement on the exact halfway point of the mattress, enforced nightly
Frequency	Per bedtime
Duration	Lifelong
Refills	0 — the midline is not to be renegotiated at 3 AM

Side effects May include the specific passive-aggressive placement of a pillow barrier, the phantom urge to migrate southwest in sleep anyway, and — by week two — the observation that six inches of unclaimed mattress was the difference between rested and resentful.

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Prescribed for

The Institute dispenses Linea Medialis Declarata for:

Chronic bed border disputes
The specific 2-centimeter compression pattern
The associated dawn-hour territorial migration that has defined recent sleep for both parties. Also routes for blanket-theft territorial adjacencies

What is this?

Linea Medialis Declarata is part of the Institute Pharmacy's formulary of satirical prescriptions. Everything on this slip is fictional except the behavior it addresses. A real pharmacist, handed this slip, would decline to fill it. Patients are invited to fill it themselves.

Patients know it in practice as Midline Declaration, mattress-level — the Latin is ceremonial; the English form is what they actually execute.

Need a prescription of your own? Describe your complaint to the Institute Pharmacy. Or browse the full formulary.

Prescribed for

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