UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient wakes at 4 AM with no blanket. His partner is a burrito. This is a monthly occurrence. His wife believes she does not steal blankets. His spine disagrees.
Permanent. The blanket redistribution happens during REM and cannot be confronted.
Two single duvets. Every sleep expert agrees. His wife refuses.
Patients with Terminal Extra-Blanket Negotiation typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Terminal Extra-Blanket Negotiation present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Tegumenta nocturna bellum perpetuum, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.