UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient owns 47 matching Alo Yoga sets. Has not worn a mismatched gym outfit since 2021. A new set arrives every 11 days. Closet is organized by color, then by brand, then by how many times each has appeared in Instagram stories. Has three identical sets for 'when one is in the wash.'
Chronic. The matching extends to hair ties.
None. A new drop is, apparently, next week.
Patients with Terminal Gym Outfit 'Coordinated Set' Expansion typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Terminal Gym Outfit 'Coordinated Set' Expansion present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Vestis gymnica coordinata proliferans, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
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