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Condition File

Chronic Booty-Scrunch Legging Dependency

UNTREATABLE.COM Institute of Incurable Conditions
CHRONIC
Diagnosis
Chronic Booty-Scrunch Legging Dependency
Vestis glutealis requisita
Clinical description

Patient cannot train without DFYNE Impact, Alphalete Amplify, or Oner Active Effortless. Has, in fact, skipped workouts when none of the preferred leggings were clean. Owns 22 pairs in rotation. Will not wear black gym shorts, plain leggings, or anything without a visible booty contour. The leggings are, in the patient's private economy, a precondition to exercise.

Prognosis

Chronic. The laundry cycle now dictates the training schedule.

Recommended treatment

None. Generic leggings were, apparently, tried in 2022 and rejected.

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Common symptoms

Patients with Chronic Booty-Scrunch Legging Dependency typically present with some or all of the following:

What is this?

Chronic Booty-Scrunch Legging Dependency was added to the Institute catalog in response to a pattern our clinicians kept seeing. The pattern did not have a real name. This is the real name now. Everything about this entry is made up, except the behavior.

The Institute has assigned this condition the Latin binomial Vestis glutealis requisita — fictional nomenclature for a non-fictional pattern.

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