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Patient's gym bag now weighs 14 pounds and contains: three pairs of shoes, four lifting belts, resistance bands, a massage gun, a foam roller, two shakers, a sauna suit, chalk, weightlifting straps, wrist wraps, and a spare outfit for after. The workout was a 20-minute elliptical session.
Chronic. Bag size increases with each purchase.
None. Each item is, apparently, 'essential.'
Patients with Terminal Gym Bag Essentials Creep typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Terminal Gym Bag Essentials Creep present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Sarcina gymnasii inflatio, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.