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Patient has a seven-step protein shake routine performed immediately after every workout: two scoops of Optimum Nutrition, 12 oz cold water, five ice cubes, a tablespoon of peanut butter, a half banana, five blender pulses, and a specific shaker bottle angle during consumption. Missing any step triggers mild anxiety. The bottle is rinsed at home.
Chronic. The 30-minute 'anabolic window' is, apparently, non-negotiable.
None. Altering the ratio is, in their view, heresy.
Patients with Advanced Protein Shake Ritualism typically present with some or all of the following:
Advanced Protein Shake Ritualism belongs to the Institute's growing taxonomy of behaviors that real medicine has declined to name. It exists, roughly, at the intersection of internet culture, interpersonal friction, and whatever is happening in the lives of our patients. It is fictional and it is everywhere.
Under its Latin label Ritus proteinicus post-gymnasii, the condition appears only in the Institute's own catalog. Real clinicians do not recognize the term. They recognize the behavior.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.