UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient has an unofficial parking spot in the third row of the gym lot. Has used it 200+ consecutive visits. Today, a stranger parked in it. Patient has now parked two spaces over, seething. Has glanced at the intruder's car four times on the way in. Their workout will be 14% angrier.
Chronic. Reclaim will occur next visit.
None. The spot is, apparently, assigned by habit.
Patients with Severe Gym Parking Spot Territory typically present with some or all of the following:
Severe Gym Parking Spot Territory is a severe behavioral condition cataloged by the Institute. It is not recognized by the DSM-5, the ICD-11, or any existing diagnostic framework — and will not be, because it is not a real condition. It is, however, observed in the population with alarming frequency.
In the Institute's formal nomenclature, this condition is catalogued under the Latin binomial Parca gymnasii dominium — a name not recognized by any medical authority but observed repeatedly in the catalog.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.