UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient will engage any person who asks what they do at the gym in a 22-minute explanation of their current push-pull-legs split, the reasoning, the exercise order, the rep scheme, and why the split they were on last month was 'actually suboptimal.' The asker wanted directions to the bathroom.
Chronic. Splits are defended like political affiliations.
None. The bathroom was 14 feet behind the asker.
Patients with Pathological Workout Split Doctrine typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Pathological Workout Split Doctrine present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Divisio exercitii doctrinale, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.