UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient put on a clean white shirt at 8:14 AM. At 8:17 AM, a single drop of coffee appeared on the collar. By 11:30 AM, there were three additional stains — mustard, pen ink, and a mystery orange substance. Patient does not remember eating anything orange. The stain appeared anyway. Patient will, despite eleven years of consistent evidence, buy another white shirt this weekend.
Chronic. The universe is, apparently, against white cotton.
None. Tide pens have been carried and forgotten.
Patients with Acute White-Shirt Self-Sabotage typically present with some or all of the following:
Acute White-Shirt Self-Sabotage belongs to the Institute's growing taxonomy of behaviors that real medicine has declined to name. It exists, roughly, at the intersection of internet culture, interpersonal friction, and whatever is happening in the lives of our patients. It is fictional and it is everywhere.
Under its Latin label Vestis alba destructio automatica, the condition appears only in the Institute's own catalog. Real clinicians do not recognize the term. They recognize the behavior.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.