UNTREATABLE.COM
| Dosage | One (1) cup of coffee consumed before any non-essential interaction is attempted |
| Frequency | Daily, non-negotiable |
| Duration | Permanent |
| Refills | Unlimited — the caffeine is a treatment, not a personality failing |
The Institute dispenses Cafea Primaria Rituale for:
Cafea Primaria Rituale is part of the Institute Pharmacy's formulary of satirical prescriptions. Everything on this slip is fictional except the behavior it addresses. A real pharmacist, handed this slip, would decline to fill it. Patients are invited to fill it themselves.
Patients know it in practice as First Coffee Ritual, protected — the Latin is ceremonial; the English form is what they actually execute.
Need a prescription of your own? Describe your complaint to the Institute Pharmacy. Or browse the full formulary.