UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient has now run an additional 0.4 miles around their block to make their Strava activity land at exactly 5.00 miles. Has also added loops in a Target parking lot to time their finish. The activity title will be 'easy Tuesday.' The effort was, in fact, measured to three decimal places.
Chronic. The .00 number is, apparently, load-bearing.
None. A 4.97 mile run is, emotionally, worthless.
Patients with Terminal Strava Route Invention typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Terminal Strava Route Invention present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Circulatio inutilis documentata, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.