UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient cannot walk past a dog in public without verbally announcing, loudly, that they want to steal it. Has said 'I am just gonna take him' in front of actual owners at least six times this month. The owners have smiled tightly and walked faster. Patient means it sincerely but also does not mean it.
Chronic. Worsens in neighborhoods with golden retrievers.
Untreatable. They have said 'hi baby' to a dog with no tongue.
Patients with Terminal Stranger-Dog Kidnap Impulse typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Terminal Stranger-Dog Kidnap Impulse present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Raptus canis alieni compulsivus, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.