UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient has, at dinner parties for the last six years, announced — unprompted, usually within 14 minutes of arrival — that they 'don't really watch TV.' Patient has a Netflix account, a Hulu account, and, as of last month, an Apple TV+ subscription. Patient's watch history includes 47 hours of streaming in the last 30 days. The announcement is, apparently, aspirational. The streaming is, apparently, historical record.
Chronic. The announcement has survived 6 years of contradicting evidence.
None. The announcement is, structurally, the identity.
Patients with Terminal I-Don't-Watch-TV Announcement typically present with some or all of the following:
This is the Institute's entry for Terminal I-Don't-Watch-TV Announcement — a terminal condition cataloged for archival purposes and shared for patient use. No prescription exists. No intervention has been shown effective. Recognition is the primary benefit of diagnosis.
Formal name: Proclamatio televisionis absentia. Not found in the DSM-5 or ICD-11. Found, routinely, in the patient population.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.