UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient has been an Android user for 14 years. Has mentioned this to every new colleague, date, and grocery-store cashier who has, at any point, mentioned a phone. Has a specific 2,400-word defense of the Samsung Galaxy S24 Ultra they will deploy unprompted. Nobody asked. Nobody was going to. Patient has, nevertheless, prepared.
Chronic. The defense is, at this point, the identity.
None. An iPhone would, apparently, feel like a defection.
Patients with Chronic Android-Defender Posture typically present with some or all of the following:
This is the Institute's entry for Chronic Android-Defender Posture — a chronic condition cataloged for archival purposes and shared for patient use. No prescription exists. No intervention has been shown effective. Recognition is the primary benefit of diagnosis.
Formal name: Defensor androidi perpetuus. Not found in the DSM-5 or ICD-11. Found, routinely, in the patient population.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.