UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient voices their cat Biscuit out loud, in a specific high-pitched voice, for approximately 40% of their waking hours. Speaks as Biscuit to their partner, their mother on FaceTime, and themselves. Biscuit has distinct opinions on dinner, sweaters, and the couch's right armrest. Biscuit is a cat.
Chronic. Biscuit's voice has become a reliable narrator.
Untreatable. Biscuit has theories.
Patients with Terminal Cat-Voice Dialogue Disorder typically present with some or all of the following:
Terminal Cat-Voice Dialogue Disorder belongs to the Institute's growing taxonomy of behaviors that real medicine has declined to name. It exists, roughly, at the intersection of internet culture, interpersonal friction, and whatever is happening in the lives of our patients. It is fictional and it is everywhere.
Under its Latin label Vox felis translata, the condition appears only in the Institute's own catalog. Real clinicians do not recognize the term. They recognize the behavior.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.