UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient knows the watering schedules, sunlight requirements, and preferred temperatures of 41 houseplants by memory. Patient, asked last Tuesday what their partner's favorite meal is, paused for 14 seconds and said 'pasta, I think.' It is not pasta. The partner has made the real favorite meal four times this year without comment. The monstera, meanwhile, is thriving. Patient has named it.
Chronic. The plant count rises with the cognitive-attention gap.
None. The monstera cannot, unfortunately, hold a conversation.
Patients with Severe Plant-Parent Priority Inversion typically present with some or all of the following:
Severe Plant-Parent Priority Inversion was added to the Institute catalog in response to a pattern our clinicians kept seeing. The pattern did not have a real name. This is the real name now. Everything about this entry is made up, except the behavior.
The Institute has assigned this condition the Latin binomial Planta prae persona — fictional nomenclature for a non-fictional pattern.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.