UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient has thrown a birthday party for their dog Milo, inviting four other dogs and their humans. There is a custom cake. There are party hats. There is a photographer. Milo is three. Milo has eaten a fraction of the cake and is now hiding under the couch. The humans are having a better time than the dogs.
Annual. The guest list grows each year.
None. The photographer has already sent the gallery.
Patients with Severe Dog-Birthday Escalation typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Severe Dog-Birthday Escalation present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Dies natalis canis festivus, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.