UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient burned 340 calories in a 45-minute workout and has now ordered a $34 Shake Shack order to their house. The delivery fee and tip bring the total to $47. Will eat all of it in 14 minutes while watching a YouTube video about macros. The workout was, technically, net negative.
Chronic. Activation occurs within 7 minutes of leaving the gym.
None. The app remembers the address.
Patients with Chronic Post-Workout DoorDash Spiral typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Chronic Post-Workout DoorDash Spiral present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Cibus delivertus post-exercitium, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.