UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient does not come to the gym, strictly, to work out. Has scanned the floor for the cute person in the Gymshark set three separate times this session. Has pretended to do an extra set specifically to walk past them. Has made eye contact once. Looked away immediately. Is now sweating for unrelated reasons.
Chronic. Eye contact duration will never exceed 0.4 seconds.
None. The crush has never been spoken to.
Patients with Chronic Gym Dating Scan typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Chronic Gym Dating Scan present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Investigatio sociale dum exercitans, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.