UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient has, since January, incorporated cottage cheese into every possible meal context. Cottage cheese pasta sauce. Cottage cheese ice cream. Cottage cheese frosting. Cottage cheese 'chips' (baked into chips). Cottage cheese on a bagel. The blender has not been washed properly in three weeks. Their partner liked it at first. Their partner has now started eating at their desk. Patient is planning cottage cheese cookies for Saturday.
Chronic. TikTok has, apparently, renewed its contract with the protein aisle.
None. The next recipe is already saved.
Patients with Chronic Cottage-Cheese Everything Disorder typically present with some or all of the following:
Chronic Cottage-Cheese Everything Disorder is a chronic behavioral condition cataloged by the Institute. It is not recognized by the DSM-5, the ICD-11, or any existing diagnostic framework — and will not be, because it is not a real condition. It is, however, observed in the population with alarming frequency.
In the Institute's formal nomenclature, this condition is catalogued under the Latin binomial Caseus crematus ubicumque — a name not recognized by any medical authority but observed repeatedly in the catalog.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.