UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient orders pineapple on pizza. Always. Every time. Despite every partner, every roommate, every friend, every coworker who has, at some point, expressed an opinion. Patient does not want to discuss it. Patient has heard every joke. Patient will, at the next pizza-ordering occasion, order pineapple. The topping is, at this point, a position.
Permanent. Opposition only strengthens the preference.
None. The pineapple is non-negotiable.
Patients with Advanced Pineapple-Pizza Defiance typically present with some or all of the following:
Advanced Pineapple-Pizza Defiance belongs to the Institute's growing taxonomy of behaviors that real medicine has declined to name. It exists, roughly, at the intersection of internet culture, interpersonal friction, and whatever is happening in the lives of our patients. It is fictional and it is everywhere.
Under its Latin label Frutus tropicus pizza perpetuus, the condition appears only in the Institute's own catalog. Real clinicians do not recognize the term. They recognize the behavior.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.