UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient has not left their apartment in 47 hours. A friend has texted 'you need to touch grass' and patient has responded 'lol I know.' Then continued to scroll. The laundry has not been done. The dishes are at concerning levels. The weather outside is, technically, perfect. Patient is wearing the same hoodie they wore on Monday. It is Thursday.
Chronic. Each attempt to leave is postponed by 'just finishing one thing.'
None. The 'one thing' will take 11 more hours.
Patients with Acute Touch-Grass Resistance typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Acute Touch-Grass Resistance present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Resistentia ambulationis externis, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.