UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient sneezed once, with enthusiasm, and is now unable to straighten their lower back for the next four days. The sneeze itself was the entire injury. No lifting was involved. No exercise was attempted. Patient was simply seated at a table, reached for a tissue, and committed what the body has interpreted as structural treason.
Chronic. Each sneeze is now, technically, a risk.
None. Sneeze-bracing technique has been researched and forgotten.
Patients with Acute Sneeze-Induced Musculoskeletal Failure typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Acute Sneeze-Induced Musculoskeletal Failure present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Sternutatio dorsi destructiva, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.