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Patient sat down on a couch. The act of sitting produced an audible, involuntary vocalization — somewhere between a sigh and a complaint — that the patient did not consent to and cannot remember starting. Has been doing this for approximately two years. Did not do it five years ago. Cannot explain when it began. The noise is now the sitting.
Chronic. The noise precedes the cushion contact by half a second.
None. Silent sitting has been attempted and failed.
Patients with Pathological Sit-Down Grunt Disorder typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Pathological Sit-Down Grunt Disorder present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Oscitatio sedentis vocalica, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.