UNTREATABLE.COM
Describe your symptoms. Receive a preliminary assessment in under sixty seconds. Free. Confidential. No referral.
Unexpectedly accurate. Feels more thorough than my last three GPs managed.
The Institute of Incurable Conditions maintains the largest working catalog of behavioral conditions that fall outside the DSM-5 and ICD-11 — conditions that are widely observed, socially significant, and formally untreated.
Our role is identification, not intervention. Once named, a condition can be lived with. That is our entire clinical philosophy.
Founded in 2026, the Institute receives no pharmaceutical funding, takes no insurance, and has never cured a single patient.
A selection of frequently diagnosed conditions from current clinical practice. The Institute recognizes hundreds of named conditions and counting.
Patient maintains 47–312 open browser tabs "just in case," despite not having visited most of them since the previous administration.
Patient has been "not dating" the same person for 19 months. They've met the parents. They share a dog. The label remains unspoken.
Patient has constructed a seven-month relationship with someone who once liked their Instagram story. Has named the children.
Patient responds to "what time?" with a 7-minute voice memo. Breathes audibly. Starts three times. Cannot be stopped.
Patient believes their unremarkable idea will disrupt a trillion-dollar industry. Has a pitch deck. Uses the word "flywheel" in grocery stores.
Patient has 49 unread Temu notifications, 12 packages in transit, and cannot remember ordering any of them. A stranger's silicone spatula will arrive tomorrow.
The Institute Pharmacy dispenses formal prescriptions for behavioral complaints. Every slip is satirical. Every side-effect line, unfortunately, is more accurate than the prescription itself.
Chronic corporate-speak fatigue, group-chat burnout, and anyone who has heard "let's circle back" today.
Post-situationship healing, ex-texting relapse, and the condition known colloquially as "but what if they changed."
Terminal grid-versus-reality disorder, work-bathroom crying concurrent with grid-update activity, and posting through it.
For the patient maintaining five dormant Etsy/Shopify/Substack/FBA projects while researching a sixth.
The Sunday-afternoon work spiral, the "just one more email" loop, and the suspicion your manager sends messages at 11pm on purpose.
Chronic over-extension, acute people-pleasing, and the compulsion to add "no worries!" to every message.
Diagnose a friend. Prescribe a treatment to the group chat. Submit a condition for archival review. Full clinical voice. Shareable card. Shareable link.
Diagnosed my whole group chat. Three of them turned off read receipts within the hour.
I sent this to my ex. He opened it. He has not replied. It has been eleven days.
Accuracy suspiciously high. Not approved by doctors or mothers.
The Institute accepts clinical submissions from the public. Diagnose an ex, a parent, a coworker, or the entire group chat. We'll file it properly.
✎ Write a diagnosisNo. Untreatable.com is a satirical self-diagnosis tool. Every condition in the database is fictional and exists nowhere in the DSM-5, ICD-11, or any peer-reviewed literature. For actual medical concerns, please contact a licensed healthcare professional.
Enter your name and describe what you're experiencing in plain English. Our matching engine analyzes your input and returns the closest-fitting condition from an ever-growing library of hand-authored behavioral patterns. A case number, Latin nomenclature, and recommended treatment are generated automatically.
Yes. The tool is free, unlimited, and requires no account, email, or payment. There are no ads. There is no paywall.
Our database covers modern behavioral conditions across several domains: digital overuse, wellness culture, relationship patterns, consumer habits, work avoidance, online subcultures, and Gen Z behavioral trends. Each condition includes a Latin binomial, clinical description, prognosis, and recommended treatment.
A combination of early internet exposure, one unresolved parental issue, and approximately 47 short-form videos watched after midnight. None of which is clinically reversible.
Yes. Every assessment generates a 1080×1350 pixel downloadable card, correctly sized for Instagram Stories, group chats, and long-term framing. Cards can be saved, copied to the clipboard, or shared directly via the device share sheet on mobile.
The matching engine weights primary keywords heavily but introduces minor variation to surface secondary conditions. Resubmitting the same symptoms may yield a different assessment. This is by design. Like most clinics.
No. Everything you type stays in your browser. Symptoms, names, photos, and generated diagnoses are never transmitted to our servers. See our privacy policy for full details.
Yes. Submissions are accepted via social channels. Conditions undergo review, are renamed, given appropriate Latin nomenclature, and added to the catalog if the pattern is sufficiently widespread.
No. This is not a real symptom checker. If you are experiencing genuine medical symptoms, please consult an actual healthcare provider. If you are experiencing the ones described in our catalog, there is, regrettably, nothing medicine can do for you.