UNTREATABLE.COM
| Dosage | One (1) phone deposited at kitchen charging station by 9:00 PM |
| Frequency | Nightly, seven days a week |
| Duration | Until bedtime stalling returns to pre-scroll baseline |
| Refills | 0 — the phone will ask to be returned; ignore it |
The Institute dispenses Bedroomus Impermeabilis for:
Bedroomus Impermeabilis is part of the Institute Pharmacy's formulary of satirical prescriptions. Everything on this slip is fictional except the behavior it addresses. A real pharmacist, handed this slip, would decline to fill it. Patients are invited to fill it themselves.
Patients know it in practice as Bedroom Fortress, screens out — the Latin is ceremonial; the English form is what they actually execute.
Need a prescription of your own? Describe your complaint to the Institute Pharmacy. Or browse the full formulary.