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Condition File

Chronic Nocturnal Teen Predator Mode

UNTREATABLE.COM Institute of Incurable Conditions
CHRONIC
Diagnosis
Chronic Nocturnal Teen Predator Mode
Adolescens nocturnus diurnus negatus
Clinical description

Patient's 16-year-old cannot be woken before 3 PM on weekends. At 2 AM, however, they are wide awake, on a FaceTime call, laughing, eating cereal, and — inexplicably — showering. Patient has asked, 'why are you showering at 2 AM.' The 16-year-old said, 'why are you up at 2 AM.' Patient had no good answer. The conversation ended. Neither party slept.

Prognosis

Chronic. The schedule is, apparently, nocturnal.

Recommended treatment

None. Sunlight has no effect on this species.

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Common symptoms

Patients with Chronic Nocturnal Teen Predator Mode typically present with some or all of the following:

What is this?

Chronic Nocturnal Teen Predator Mode was added to the Institute catalog in response to a pattern our clinicians kept seeing. The pattern did not have a real name. This is the real name now. Everything about this entry is made up, except the behavior.

The Institute has assigned this condition the Latin binomial Adolescens nocturnus diurnus negatus — fictional nomenclature for a non-fictional pattern.

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