UNTREATABLE.COM
A stranger at a wedding hands the patient their infant 'for just one sec' and walks away. Patient has never held a baby. The baby senses this immediately. A long, slow moment begins. The stranger is not locatable. Patient is, for a full nine minutes, a father.
Incurable. Baby energy cannot be performed.
Untreatable. Handing it to a different stranger is, somehow, worse.
Patients with Terminal Stranger-Baby Handoff Panic typically present with some or all of the following:
This is the Institute's entry for Terminal Stranger-Baby Handoff Panic — a terminal condition cataloged for archival purposes and shared for patient use. No prescription exists. No intervention has been shown effective. Recognition is the primary benefit of diagnosis.
Formal name: Infans traditus horror publicus. Not found in the DSM-5 or ICD-11. Found, routinely, in the patient population.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.