UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient holds the Panera door open for someone eighteen meters away. The recipient's polite walk becomes a jog, which becomes a full jacket-flapping shame-sprint. A transaction has occurred that neither party wanted. Both say 'thank you' four times. Eye contact is never made again.
Chronic. Worsens with general politeness.
None. Letting the door close now would be a declaration of war.
Patients with Advanced Door-Holding Sprint Panic typically present with some or all of the following:
Advanced Door-Holding Sprint Panic is an advanced behavioral condition cataloged by the Institute. It is not recognized by the DSM-5, the ICD-11, or any existing diagnostic framework — and will not be, because it is not a real condition. It is, however, observed in the population with alarming frequency.
In the Institute's formal nomenclature, this condition is catalogued under the Latin binomial Ianua retenta cursus pudoris — a name not recognized by any medical authority but observed repeatedly in the catalog.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.