UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient cannot form a complete sentence without a one-meter wingspan of hand motion. Has struck three strangers at a wedding this year — once during the toast — and apologized profusely each time. Apology delivery also involved gesturing. Also struck someone.
Incurable. The hands are structurally load-bearing to the sentence.
Holding their drink does not help. The other hand takes over.
Patients with Terminal Hand-Talking Collateral typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Terminal Hand-Talking Collateral present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Gesticulatio extrema spatialis, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.