UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient goes to the office for 14 minutes, is visibly seen holding a coffee, and leaves. Manager is 'noticing a pattern.'
Will escalate. Badge already in lanyard mode.
Untreatable. Remote-work nostalgia is terminal.
Patients with Terminal Coffee-Badging Syndrome typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Terminal Coffee-Badging Syndrome present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Officium theatricus brevis, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.