UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient is the maid of honor. The speech has been written, edited, read aloud, re-written, and memorized. It is 14 minutes long. It has one inside joke that no non-attendee will get.
Will cry in the first 90 seconds. Will recover. Will be a slightly different person after.
No treatment. The speech must be delivered.
Patients with Terminal Bride-Speech Performance Anxiety typically present with some or all of the following:
Patients diagnosed with Terminal Bride-Speech Performance Anxiety present with a cluster of recognizable behaviors we have, on reflection, decided to name. The condition is fictional. The behaviors, unfortunately, are not. Someone in your life is showing at least two of them right now.
The Institute's taxonomic entry lists it as Oratio nuptialis trauma, a binomial coined in-house and used nowhere in the peer-reviewed literature.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.