UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient has been at the squat rack for 41 minutes performing bicep curls with the bar. The one squat rack in the gym. Three patrons who actually need to squat have now asked when they'll be done. Patient says 'one more set' each time. Has said 'one more set' six times. Is not squatting.
Chronic. The rack, to the patient, is a general-use station.
None. A direct confrontation is, currently, building.
Patients with Severe Squat Rack Monopolization typically present with some or all of the following:
Severe Squat Rack Monopolization belongs to the Institute's growing taxonomy of behaviors that real medicine has declined to name. It exists, roughly, at the intersection of internet culture, interpersonal friction, and whatever is happening in the lives of our patients. It is fictional and it is everywhere.
Under its Latin label Monopolium cancellarum postremum, the condition appears only in the Institute's own catalog. Real clinicians do not recognize the term. They recognize the behavior.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.