UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient has been sitting on the lat pulldown machine for 19 minutes, scrolling Instagram between sets. Has performed three actual sets in that window. A second patron has now walked by four times, visibly hopeful. Patient maintains the position. The towel is placed possessively. The water bottle forms the outer perimeter.
Chronic. Rest periods have stretched to meet phone content demands.
None. Eye contact is avoided strategically.
Patients with Terminal Machine-Hogging Denial typically present with some or all of the following:
Terminal Machine-Hogging Denial was added to the Institute catalog in response to a pattern our clinicians kept seeing. The pattern did not have a real name. This is the real name now. Everything about this entry is made up, except the behavior.
The Institute has assigned this condition the Latin binomial Occupatio apparatus permanens — fictional nomenclature for a non-fictional pattern.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.