UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient walks down a crowded downtown sidewalk at 1.2 km/h alongside three friends — in a straight, uninterrupted line — blocking all oncoming pedestrians. Does not break formation for anyone. This is a a busy city sidewalk. At lunch. A UPS driver has said something through the truck window.
Permanent. Breaking the line would require a group decision.
Untreatable. 'Excuse me' is absorbed into the laughter of the group.
Patients with Severe Sidewalk Chain-of-Four Walker typically present with some or all of the following:
Severe Sidewalk Chain-of-Four Walker belongs to the Institute's growing taxonomy of behaviors that real medicine has declined to name. It exists, roughly, at the intersection of internet culture, interpersonal friction, and whatever is happening in the lives of our patients. It is fictional and it is everywhere.
Under its Latin label Ambulatio velocitas incompatibilis, the condition appears only in the Institute's own catalog. Real clinicians do not recognize the term. They recognize the behavior.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.