UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient plants themselves at the geographical center of the office break room, blocking the sink, microwave, and coffee machine simultaneously, while recounting — unprompted, in full — the plot of a true-crime podcast they heard over the weekend. Has been there fourteen minutes. Three coworkers have successfully microwaved cold pasta by reaching around them while maintaining eye contact.
Deteriorates on Monday mornings.
Untreatable. The break room is their stage.
Patients with Pathological Office Break-Room Sovereignty typically present with some or all of the following:
Pathological Office Break-Room Sovereignty was added to the Institute catalog in response to a pattern our clinicians kept seeing. The pattern did not have a real name. This is the real name now. Everything about this entry is made up, except the behavior.
The Institute has assigned this condition the Latin binomial Coquina communis occupatio sociale — fictional nomenclature for a non-fictional pattern.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.