UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient's portfolio contains 14 memecoins, each purchased at 2:47 AM after seeing a Crypto Twitter thread. The coins have names like BONK, FART, and something spelled with three K's that patient cannot pronounce. Total invested: $2,400. Current value: $340. Has convinced themselves that one of them will, eventually, hit. The one they believed in most — purchased at $0.00041 — is now at $0.0000039. Patient calls this 'being early.'
Chronic. Each new memecoin launch extends the portfolio by one.
None. 'Ape in' is, apparently, the investment strategy.
Patients with Severe Memecoin-Degen Spiral typically present with some or all of the following:
Severe Memecoin-Degen Spiral is a severe behavioral condition cataloged by the Institute. It is not recognized by the DSM-5, the ICD-11, or any existing diagnostic framework — and will not be, because it is not a real condition. It is, however, observed in the population with alarming frequency.
In the Institute's formal nomenclature, this condition is catalogued under the Latin binomial Tessera jocosa persequens — a name not recognized by any medical authority but observed repeatedly in the catalog.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.