UNTREATABLE.COM
Patient checks the price of Bitcoin, Ethereum, Solana, and four smaller altcoins every nine minutes. Has done this while: driving (stopped at a red light, barely), on a first date, at a funeral, and during their child's school play. The prices have moved a total of 0.8% over the 14 checks today. The checks are not about the prices. Patient does not know what they are about.
Chronic. The refresh compulsion outlives every intended break.
None. A 'digital detox' has been announced publicly twice and observed for a combined 47 minutes.
Patients with Chronic Coin-Check Refresh Loop typically present with some or all of the following:
Chronic Coin-Check Refresh Loop is a chronic behavioral condition cataloged by the Institute. It is not recognized by the DSM-5, the ICD-11, or any existing diagnostic framework — and will not be, because it is not a real condition. It is, however, observed in the population with alarming frequency.
In the Institute's formal nomenclature, this condition is catalogued under the Latin binomial Observatio pretii cryptographica — a name not recognized by any medical authority but observed repeatedly in the catalog.
Think you have it? Find out what else you might be suffering from at the diagnosis generator. Or browse the full index of afflictions.